I awoke this morning with that fed up of being overweight feeling, yet again! I’ve been a yo-yo dieter since I entered my teens as food was always a problem at home. My mother could not cook, or would not cook, we lived on processed food she often emptied from tins and packs in the morning and we were expected to microwave in the evening whilst she was at work. She was obsessed with weight – often living on crispbreads, cottage cheese, cigarettes and coffee, gallons and gallons of coffee.
Therefore I was judged by my size all my life, I’ve never been stick thin, but back in the 80s/90s averaged a size 12-14 and oh what I’d give to be that size now! At present I’m just about in a size 18 but at my largest I was a size 24/26
So today with nothing to look forward to but, general motherly and wifey duties, cleaning, washing, cooking etc. I felt the need I had to leave the house (this can sometimes be extremely difficult for me due to my BPD – I go through stages where I cannot leave my home), so I got up and into an Asda price jogging suit and came down with the attitude today would be yet another new beginning. I entered the living room and got a double take off the hubby, as he’s used to seeing me in pjs! Then I made my first mistake! I sat down and started browsing twitter! After 20 mins I no longer felt like leaving the house! Hubby went off to work and I grabbed my trainers, iPhone, headphones and key. Feeling determined to move my fat backside I headed swiftly towards to the Leeds/Liverpool canal. I registered my brisk walk with my UP band, halfway down my route I checked it was working and took a few pictures of the fields I pass on my walk. Just then, my phone decided to die! There went my music, twitter and basically my lifeline! Rather typical as I decided to take a new longer route. As I walked on faster and faster I began to doubt I was going in the right direction, had visions of having to turn back and retrace my steps back home! Then I saw the bridge I recognised, what a relief!
On arriving home I logged my walk, it had taken me 70 mins to walk 3.84 miles, believe me it felt at least like 5 miles!
After showering and dressing I felt brilliant, I’d a felt I’d accomplished something positive today.
This then led me to visit a friend for a cuppa, plant some pots in the front and prep tonight’s tea.
Healthy chicken Arrabiata cooked from scratch, no recipe, sometimes I can just go along with what’s in my mind and it works out well. I then input it all into Nutracheck to work out my calories, and am delighted to see I will have enough left to enjoy a few red wines later tonight! As like a lot of us mums out there it’s a habit I’m finding impossible to break, even though I know it’s empty calories. One small step at a time though, let’s try walking and food control before working on cutting down on the wine!
So its now early evening, I’m feeling good about myself, my mood is good, so why can I not ever keep to a routine? I don’t think I’ve ever kept up a regime. So the big question on my mind is will I do it this time?